Cold and Hard

This guy haMoneyd no idea what to get his girlfriend for her birthday, and for some unknown whacked out reason, he thought it was appropriate to simply hand her a couple of hundred dollars and say, “Happy Birthday”.  I am sure to him it was the perfect gift because now she could get what she wanted or needed. Simple enough, but also simply inappropriate.

As she looked at the money, she thought,  What? Really? Oh, this isn’t good. Do I take it? I don’t want it?  It just created a nasty situation and not in a good way.

Yes, your grandma slipping a couple of twenties into your birthday card is perfectly fine, but giving cold hard cash to your girlfriend or wife, that is just plain cold and hard.

She should have told him, “You can leave that on the table when you leave.”, and then I wonder if he would have caught on, and if not, that would have been mistake number 2.

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The Gift of Scraping By

Well, it might be the end of Window scapperwinter, but this one is too good to pass up.

What was he thinking?  That was all that came to mind when this gal looked at the Christmas gifts her boyfriend had given her.  She wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt and considered that maybe he had left his shopping to the last minutes.  Then she had another thought; what if he planned it!  Whichever the case, the gifts left her feeling, well,a little chilly.

Granted, the winter was in full force where she was living, but a window scraper and two car rubber floor mats?  They weren’t even wrapped; he gave them to her in the store bags!

Ho ho ho, smells like last minute shopping at its finest!

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A Gift Guys Get Stuffed By

Green Thing 2Have you ever seen a gal walking around proudly parading a stuffed toy her boyfriend or husband has bought her?  Ok, maybe at a fair, but other than that?  Yet, for some reason this guy thought a stuffed toy would be the perfect birthday gift for his girlfriend of two years!  Ugh!

She was hoping that he was taking her out on her birthday. Instead, he came over to her place, and in a “there you go” manner, pushed this large stuffed green thing towards her.  She took one look at it, and politely told him, “ok, would you like me to tell you where you can stuff this?”

Cute at 14…not so cute at 30!

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The Least Creative Gift a Guy Can Give

SpermThis couple had recently gotten married.  He had one child from a previous relationship, and she had no children.  She was in her mid-thirties, and he had just turned the big 40; they both wanted to add to their family right away.

Christmas was just around the corner and a co-worker of this guy asked him what he was going to get his new wife for Christmas.  His answer was…………wait for it…………….”my baby maker stuff”.  Well actually, he came right out and said sperm.  WTF!

I wonder how he intended on wrapping that up!

On another note, can you imagine how many businesses would have to close if guys could get away with giving this to their gals for birthdays, Valentine’s day, Christmas, etc.

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Don’t Call Me Baby!

baby ClothesVery little can be more exciting than expecting your first child.  But, just because a woman is pregnant doesn’t mean she has become a mere vessel for baby production; a point this guy definitely missed.

As this couple approached the 6-month mark, they were busy getting the nursery ready.  It was this woman’s birthday and what did her significant other decide to give to her on her special day?  He gave her baby clothes!    Ok, she was happy that he  showed so much interest in getting everything ready for the baby, but why would he think that baby clothes for their child would make a good gift for her on her birthday?

She thought, really?  Then she said, “What baby toys do you like because I am starting my Christmas shopping list?”  It took him a few seconds to clue in, then he got her point.

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An Unappetizing Gift

DishesI don’t think buying your significant other a brand new set of dishes for Christmas is a particularly romantic idea, but if it is what she wants, then why not.

Apparently, while this couple was out shopping, the woman showed the Mr. of the house a set of dishes she liked.  It was a modern, square plate set, neutral in color.  Well, the concept of modern, square plates and neutral color registered with him, but that seems to be as far as his recollection went.

What did she end up getting, you ask?  Yep, she got a modern, square plate set all right, and the set included the added bonus of a friendly, appetizing motif of whitetail deer on every large plate, small plate, bowl and mug.

Then again, I guess you could kind of look at this as potential entertainment for dinner guests…have a bunch of people over, fill their plates with food and see how long it takes them to guess what type of creature they are eating off of.

Hmmmmm, I guess she is all outfitted for a camo themed dinners now?

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Ding Dong

Ding DongThis woman – ok, maybe she was a bit of a neat freak –was constantly telling her boyfriend to make sure and wipe his feet when he entered her house.  She had one of these woven rugs at her entrance, and it always slid around the floor when he tried to clean off his shoes or boots.  It drove him nuts.

So he decided to be practical and fix her up with a proper doormat and as a special treat for her birthday, he decided to buy her a vanity doormat, with her name on it!

Well, let’s just say that she didn’t quite see his sense of practicality, and the next thing he knew, he was ducking.

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Daddy Dearest

Daddy dearestThis couple had just welcomed their first child, and as is often the case, the woman was carrying a few extra pounds after giving birth to their bundle of joy.  However, she was only carrying about 10 extra pounds, and didn’t find this to be a problem considering the little one was only 2 months old!

Well, it just so happened to be this woman’s birthday and what did her husband decide to give her?  He gave her a gym membership so that she could get back into shape.  The most ironic thing was that over the months of the pregnancy, HE had gained about 20 pounds, which didn’t come off when the baby was born!

It would have been better for him to run a mile in her shoes, (literally!) because the only exercise during the pregnancy he probably was getting was walking back and forth to the kitchen!

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So Close Yet So Far

So closeThis guy hadn’t been in many relationships.  Ok honestly, this was his first serious relationship.  He adored his girlfriend, and they got along wonderfully.  As Christmas rolled around, he knew exactly the perfect gifts for her,

or so he thought.

You see, her roommate had moved out a couple of months before, and he had moved in afterwards.  When her roommate had left, she of course took her belongings, which included a George Foreman Grill.

Yep, you guessed it; he bought her a GF Grill for Christmas.  What was even more amazing was the fact that she had been mentioning that she hated their can opener, and guess what?  Yep, that became gift number 2.

Given the fact that he was such a good listener, it would probably be best if she were only to talk about needing vacations, jewelry, fashion items, etc. in the future.  Of course, with her luck, he would probably tune out because the conversation wouldn’t be focused on meat and accompanying side dishes.

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Mr. Helpful


Ok, no one is perfect and when things get tough some of us might even reach for one of those self-help books.  You know, after a good breakup, after you lose your job, or when you are looking for a serious lifestyle change, these books seem very appealing.  However, they are hardly appropriate gifts to give or to receive.

This woman had entered a time in her life where she was questioning her career choice and maybe a little bit of her lifestyle in general.  Now, her significant other evidently decided to lend a helping hand by giving her one of these books.  What book did he buy her? He bought her Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl.

After the yelling died down, he explained that it was only a joke and that he just wanted to take her mind off things.  Yeah, good one!  What he should have bought her was, He’s Just Not That Into You.  Then again, maybe he was proposing in some twisted way!

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A Super Star

This woman had been dating this guy on and off for almost 5 years.  What was very disturbing was that during this entire time, he had never bought her a gift, not even a card.  You see, he believed that taking her out for dinner on her birthday and on Valentine’s Day were gifts enough.  Oh I know, it must have been his presence that was the gift. 

Now, this may work if you happen to be Brad Pitt or George Clooney, but this guy, seriously?  Plus, I can’t help but think of the movie SuperStar, and wonder if he smells his fingers!  If you don’t know what I mean, check out the SuperStar trailer.

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The Blind Leading The Blind

It was Christmas time and this guy was having difficulty figuring out what to buy for his girlfriend.  So, to whom did he turn to for advice?  Well, that would be his close, male friend.  His friend’s idea was simple, “hey, you like to go camping, why don’t you buy her some camping equipment?”  This guy’s response, “that is a great idea!”

Now, this guy was quite well equipped for camping and really only needed some new cooking items.  His friend also knew this.  So, that is exactly what she got for Christmas; she received pots and pans for outdoor cooking.

Now, most outdoor enthusiasts would probably be jumping up and down after receiving such a gift, but to a novice camper such as this girlfriend, it was more of an invitation to be his personal chief in the great outdoors.  Well, after some time and several arguments later, this guy saw the error in his ways, and I am glad to say, he eventually made it up to her.

Of course after hearing this story, I can’t help but wonder what the poor girl got in her stocking.  No, don’t tell me… and bacon?

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